If wishes and buts were candy and nuts we'd all have a Merry Christmas

We're not exactly sure what that phrase means, even though my mom has repeatedly said it over the years. The closest we can get is basically, if we all could never wish for much or never regret much, we'd all be perfectly happy. But that's not life.

And that's not my trial transfer today. The first part went well; I was a good little patient and drank gallons of water to prep for the ultrasound. Blood draw - check. Meet with the doc - check. He was so nice and said that he really liked meeting Surfer at the last appointment, and that we had a good energy as a couple. Great! Trial transfer - check check. Then he wanted to do another ultrasound to check my ovaries.

Can you hear the wah-wah-wah-wah-wahhhhhh (the "you've lost!" buzzer)? Even I could tell through the mass of grey blobs that something wasn't quite right. My right ovary was about 3 times as large as my left, with a very large and very visable angry cyst snarling at me from the screen. Crap. Crap, triple crap!

To make a long story short, IVF is delayed indefinitely until 1)we figure out exactly what is going on, 2)we deal with what's going on, and 3)I heal enough so my body is strong enough for the IVF to work well the first time (please, God).

At the start of my next cycle, I will go in for another check and we'll go from there. Options include waiting for it to heal on its own (not likely, since it is probably a bleeding endometrioma), operate to drain the cyst and then go foward with IVF counting on just the left ovary (go, little gal, go!!!), or... well, we don't know.

This is pretty much how I feel right now: